A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Gameboy
by Anya Krikkit
Summary: Team Rocket attempts to play Pokemon Red (And yellow. And Blue.) Occasional (or perversive) Ash-Bashing. You have been warned...
1. The Madness Begins

### A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Gameboy...

Part one

.... 

This fic has a rather simple idea behind it, and is comparitively short to other works right now. Feedback is always nice, and you can find this fic and others by me at [Chirps of a Cricket][1]. 

.... 

Jessie looked both ways before ducking into the broom closet. She figured it would be the perfect place to hide, because Team Rocket very rarely cleaned anything, and as such, did not own any brooms. She should be safe for some time. She slipped in the cartridge. The tiny screen lit up. 

Professor Oak was on the screen. "My name is OAK! Some people call me the pokemon prof..." The door began to crack open. 

James stealthily slipped into the broom closet. Maybe no one would see him. It wasn't as if any one ever looked in here... "Oof!" 

James tripped over Jessie and fell across her into a position that, any other time, he might have taken advantage of. And gotten whacked with a mallet for. Today, however, he blushed furiously and tried to hide the atomic purple gameboy he was carrying. Jessie was doing the same with her own red unit. 

Jessie was the first to recover, and whacked James with her steel-enforced fan. 

"What are you doing in here?!" 

James cowered, until he realized that Jessie had been trying to hide something. Forgetting that she was mad at him, he immediately latched on to this new way to torment Jessie. 

"What is it? What're you hiding? Lemme see! Lemme see!" 

Jessie whacked him again. "It's none of your business! What are _you_ hiding?" 

"Uh..." 

Suddenly, each grabbed for whatever it was the other was hiding. "Hey! This is Pokemon Blue!" "And you've got Pokemon Red!" 

"Wanna trade?" they simultaneously asked. 

Of course, they got as far as the kitchen table when they realized a) they didn't have a cable link, and b) neither one had gotten past the introduction yet. 

Both industriously sat down and started up their games again, since neither had even gotten to the point where "save" was an option. Of course Meowth immediately wandered in. 

"Shoidn't you two be planning a way to capture Pikachu?" 

"Already have," replied Jessie. "Wander around in the tall grass before Pewter city for ages, find Pikachu, and capture it in a pokeball. Simple." 

"Meowth thinks you aren't talking about what Meowth's talking about." 

"Why?" Jessie looked up distractedly. She was attempting to figure out why her mother thought she was a boy. Did she look like one? 

Meowth sighed. "Well, if you're just gonna play that silly game all day--anyone wanna trade?" 

Meowth held out his own gameboy. It was, of course, yellow, hair color being the deciding factor in most Team Rocket decisions. 

Jessie and James were immediately interested. "What color do you have?" asked James. 

"Yellow. What else? I bet you picked blue and Jessie has red." The human members of the team blushed. "Well, it's not like you had a choice. Writers need easy ways to keep track of who's got what, and color seems to do it for most of the fools." 

"Oh." 

"So what pokemon did you pick from Prof. Oak?" 

"Uhhh..." 

"We haven't gotten that far yet," said Jessie. "We weren't gifted with puny pikachus like you were. We have to make a decision." 

"Ow!" Whined James. "My head hurts! I can't decide!" 

Meowth sighed again. "Moibe I can make this process a lot easier on all of us. Jessie, take Charmander. James, take Squirtle. This is why you have hair." 

Jessie and James looked at each other. "Oh. Okay." 

A very short time later, Jessie shouted in triumph. As she did a victory dance around the room, Meowth leaned over to see what she had just done. The screen read: "JESSIE defeated ASH!" 

No wonder. So he wasn't surprised when James joined the dance. His screen showed "JAMES defeated ASH!" Simple minds, simple pleasures. Which had nothing to do with the fact that Meowth himself soon began to grin, and then gave in and joined the celebration. 

"MEOWTH defeated PIKACHU!" 

To be continued... 

   [1]: http://www.cooperis.com/cricket



	2. The Madness Continues

### A Funny thing Happened on the Way to the Gameboy

Part Two 

...... 

"Jessie!" James whined. "I'm tired of Rattatas. All they ever do is use tail whip. Where's Mewtwo?" 

Jessie whacked James. "Idiot. Mewtwo's after you beat the elite four. Have you even gotten to Viridian City yet?" 

"I did! And I delivered Oak's parcel. I'm just tired of Rattatas." 

"Yous can catch Nidorans on the way to victory road," Meowth commented. 

"Really?" James is impressed by the idea of facing something other than a Pidgey or Rattata. "But I thought that was at the end of the game." 

"You just go a little ways there. If you go too far, Gary, excuse me, _Ash_, is going to beat you up, black you out, and steal half your money after dropping you off at the nearest pokecenter." 

"Oh." James thinks about this. "But I can get Nidorans?" 

"Yes. You can get Nidorans. Although, since you're playing blue, you'll be more likely to find a female one." 

"Great! Now, where do I get pokeballs?" 

Meowth smacks his forehead in disgust and Jessie smacks James. 

"Ow! I was _kidding_. Who do you think I am, Ash Ketchum? I already got some from the Poke-Mart." 

"Uh hunh. Right. We believe you." Jessie rolls her eyes. "Well, since you already have some pokemon now, how about a pokemon battle?" 

"Do yous guys realize just how many times someone says that in any given episode?" Meowth asked. 

"So?" Jessie said. "Do you want to be moderator? Someone has to do it." 

"Only because you to would crash your PCs trying to figure it out if I didn't help." 

Jessie whacks Meowth. 

"Um, Jessie? Why is the girl telling me I can't join the Cable Club?" asked James. 

"Then again, you may have a point," Jessie conceded. 

Jessie picks up the cable and shoves it in James' face. "Could it be because you forgot to plug in the cable?" 

"Oh! Yeah! Thanks Jessie!" 

"Ok, now you two need to both go to the cable club, and _at approximately the same time_, press the A button to talk to the girl. Then choose the 'battle' option. Can you guys take it from there?" 

"Why at the same time? Hey, why is it timing me out?" asked James. 

"Because Jessie needs to do the same thing at the same time." 

"Oh. Okay, on the count of three. One, two-" 

"Wait a minute. I just finished getting timed out from earlier." 

"Okay, how about now?" 

"Now's good." 

Some Jessie and James actually managed to connect their gameboy units up. 

"Uh oh. Jessie, I accidentally hit 'trade.' Now what?" 

"Um... We turn them off and start over?" 

"I can not believe I am putting up with this," muttered Meowth. 

"Shut up, Meowth," said Jessie and James. 

*** 

Sometime later... 

"You know what, James?" 

"What?" 

"I have discovered that using a level 3 pokemon in any kind of battle is one of the more futile aspects of this game." 

"_Especialy_ when using Pidgeys," James agreed. 

Meowth wandered into the room, having had time for a brief catnap whilst Jessie and James attempted to make their pokemon last more than two hits each. 

"So who won?" 

James immediately groaned. 

"Oh." 

"Basically," Jessie explained, "I wiped him out with well placed tackles, whereas James actually tried using such attacks as "growl" and "sand-attack." 

James moaned. "They put those in there to trick you into thinking you can do something more interesting than bodily slam into your opponent, but how wrong I was!" 

"We also discovered that a well-rounded team is no match for one leveled pokemon." Jessie had ignored her captured Rattata and Pidgey and simply fought with her level 9 Charmander. James had unwisely been getting his captured pokemon even with his Squirtle, resulting in a team mostly composed of level 5-7. 

"Well, look on the bright side. After all of this, some bug catchers are going to attempt to beat the living daylights out of you with Metapods and Kakunas."   
  
  


***Flashback to Ash "battling" with his Metapod.***

"Metapod! Use harden!... Gee? Why isn't it winning the battle?" 

***End flashback***  
  
  


"Now," Meowth continued. "Which of you wants to lose to my level 11 Pikachu here?" 

Jessie and James both shudder. 

..... 


	3. Pikachu

### A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Gameboy

#### Part three!

***** 

Jessie and James are sprawled in front of the TV, playing Pokemon. Currently, they are each trapped in that endless maze, Viridian Forest... ::cue spooky music:: 

***** 

Jessie spoke. "Is it just me, or are bug catchers naturally stupid? They're maybe one step above the twerp in terms of brain power." 

James answered lazily. "Of course, on the plus side, I found a way to level up my Nidoran without actually worrying about it. Battle the Metapods using tackle about four million times, and there you go. Metapods have got to be the stupidest pokemon in the game." 

Jessie frowned. "No, I think Kakunas are." James shrugged. 

"Besides," Jessie continued, "with Charmander's ember attack I take out anything in one hit anyway." 

James muttered. "Just because you got the super-effective pokemon..." 

"Not my fault you have blue hair." 

"Are you sure it's not purple? I've been having doubts lately." 

"Who knows? Write to the animators. Maybe they'll decide to become consistent for a change." 

Jessie and James both attempt to maintain a straight face for a second, and then burst out laughing. 

"Consistency," said James between laughs. "That'll be the day." 

"The day when Ash gets brains." 

They continue laughing hysterically, only to be interrupted when each ran into that most dreaded of pokemon, the Kakuna/Metapod, depending on which version you decided to play. 

"Jessie, it used harden again! I don't know how much more of this I can take!" 

"Have you tried just beating it up repeatedly?" Jessie asked. 

"Yes. But that takes forever! Still, my Nidoran finally hit level seven." 

"That's good. Hey, did you catch a Pikachu yet?" Jessie was still leveling up her Charmander in the Viridian forest against all the stupid bugs, but James had been wandering between the forest and Pewter City, still vainly trying to catch an electrical rodent. 

"Nope. I've decided they don't exist, and that one we're always chasing is just a figment of my imagination." 

"I think you're right. Not that we need one anyways. The next trainer being Brock." 

"How did the twerp ever manage to justify using the sprinkler system to get a badge?" 

James shook his head. "Beats me. If we'd done that, the twerps would have accused us of rigging the game and cheating, all in an effort to steal that useless pokemon of his." 

"Yeah." Jessie sighed, and went back to randomly hitting the 'A' button while she defeated a Rattata. 

All was calm for about two minutes. 

"WHOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!" 

Jessie jumped, startled, and watched as James pranced about the room, singing. "You know us as Team Rocket and we fight for what is wrong..." 

Of course, he was off-key, but she wanted to know what on earth he was so excited about before she knocked him unconscious. Jessie didn't really want to get up without a good reason. 

James, meantime, has struck a pose that can only be called "The Twerp caught something even though he put forth no actual effort on his own part." 

"I CAPTURED PIKACHU!!" 

Oh. 

***** 

To be continued.... 

***** 


	4. Jupiter and Mars

### A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Gameboy

#### Part Four!

***** 

You might notice the occasional cross-reference in this one. If anything seems totally nonsensical, please assume it is something out of my own twisted brain and will not affect the story in any way, shape, or form. It's also a bit longer than the others, so I warned you! 

***** 

Jessie and James have both decided it is time to battle that most fearsome of trainers, Brock, gym leader of Pewter City! 

***** 

"Jessie, how many potions are you stocking up?" James asked. They were in the balloon, spying on the twerps. Yesterday had not gone so well ("Looks like we're blasting off _again_!) and the human members of Team Rocket felt they deserved a break. 

Besides, anything to play _Pokemon_. 

They had talked Meowth into the idea by presenting him with two balls of yarn and the promise of one battle each. Secretly, Jessie and James each harbored a very intense desire to wipe out that scrawny Pikachu, even if it _was_ only Meowth's, but they knew that in all likelihood Meowth would systematically dispatch their pokemon and then do his own little victory dance, which usually involved jumping around and annoying snatches of "My Way." 

"I just got 2. I'm saving up for pokeballs." Jessie grinned. "Gotta catch 'em all!" 

James groaned at the familiar slogan. "Whoever thought of _that_? I mean, come on. How could anyone feasibly look after that many pokemon without going completely bonkers? I begin to sympathize with Professor Oak." 

***** 

From very far away: "Yes! Aha! Revenge will be mine!" 

More voices. 

"This is R1. Saffron City is prepared..." 

***** 

Jessie shrugged. "Beats me. Now, why did they make it so annoying far to walk from the pokecenter to the gym door?" 

"So they could further torment us?" 

"Probably. Well, off to destroy the squinty twerp!" 

A short silence occurs. 

"Um, Jessie?" 

"What?" 

"Who is this idiot and why is he telling me how to be a 'Champ'?" 

"I haven't the foggiest idea. Do we hang around _our_ enemies and give advice to those going up against them? No. This guy is a sellout," proclaimed Jessie. 

"Definitely," agreed James. 

Another short silence. 

"What the heck is a junior trainer and where does he get off trying to battle me?" asked Jessie, grumpy. "There are never junior trainers in the show." 

"Well, what about Erika? She had a bunch of students." 

"I don't think those counted. Except maybe-" Jessie batted her eyes. 

"Who?" 

"Remember - Ashley?" 

Team Rocket cracks up. 

"I can't believe he fell for that one!" 

"And didn't he look horrendous in pink?" 

"And the _curls_?" 

Jessie and James continue to laugh hysterically, stopping only when they realize they are about to tip the basket of the balloon over and dump its contents (and themselves) a very long way down. 

"So," said Jessie between smothered giggles. "The junior trainer. Right." 

Jessie proceeded to decimate it with her well-trained Butterfree. Unlike certain twerps who shall be named only when entertaining, Jessie realized that using a fire type (or electric) pokemon was most likely not a good idea against a rock type. 

"Well. That was hard." 

"Ooh, you're so good at battling, Jessie." 

"Shut up James. I'm not helping you. You have Squirtle. Use Bubble or whatever it is you have and you'll wipe 'em out in something like two turns." 

"Oh." 

"And go to the pokecenter after you beat the kid. You don't have to battle big mean Brock right away." 

"But I wanted to send out Jupiter and see if triggered the sprinklers." 

"Yeah right. That was a convenient plot device because Ash is a pathetic wimpy boy who can't win a battle without the writers making the gym leader take pity on him." 

"I _know_ that. I'm not stupid, you know." 

Jessie made a rather unlady-like grunting noise. 

"Well, I'm not!" 

"Whatever." 

"Hmph. You just don't think it's fair that I have Jupiter and you don't." 

"You own a planet?" 

"A planet?" 

"Jupiter is the name of a planet, James." 

"I knew that!" 

"And you own it because...?" 

"I, um..." James mutters something. 

"What?" Jessie looms over James threateningly with her mallet. 

"Would you believe that's what I named Pikachu?" 

"Why on _Earth_ would you name a Pikachu Jupiter?" 

"Um..." Jessie threatens with her mallet again. 

"She's from Sailor Moon?" 

"Sailor M - Oh. Well." 

Jessie uncharacteristically puts her mallet away and goes back to playing her game. After visiting the pokecenter, Brock was easy enough to dispatch. This game was really too easy. 

"Jessie?" 

"What?" Jessie was spending her new funds on pokeballs and using her new TM on her Charmander. 

"Why aren't you mad at me?" 

"Uh... Because." 

"But you hate Sailor Moon. You said she was a sniveling little moron who couldn't stop whining over her boyfriends, or lack thereof." 

"I _do_ hate her! She's wimpy. How come she got to be savior of the world while we're regulated to Pikachu-napping? We've even got a talking cat! I mean, come on..." Jessie's other opinions were blanked out in order to prevent a bad crossover from occurring. 

While Jessie went on (and on) about the problems with Serena, James stole her gameboy and checked out the pokemon list. 

"Mars?" 

"WHAT?!" Jessie stopped her dialogue mid-sentence and immediately grabbed at her gameboy. "Gimme that!" 

"You named your Charmander Mars?" 

"Shut up!" Jessie continued attempting to get her game back, but James held it hostage over the side of the balloon. 

"Promise not to make fun of Sailor Moon again?" 

"No. Now give it back." 

James sighed. If he threw the gameboy over the side, he wouldn't have anyone to battle but Meowth, and he already knew what the outcome of _that_ would be. Besides with his luck it would hit a twerp on the way down and he'd have to battle _them_ or something. With similar results. He just couldn't win. Still... 

"Do you promise to battle Meowth the next three times he demands a game?" 

"What?! Fine, fine. I'll stop making fun of stupid Serena. Venus and Mercury are still fair game, do you hear me?" 

"Whatever." James handed the unit back over, and peace reigned. James, as predicted, easily wiped out Brock's puny force of rock pokemon. 

Both now began the treacherous path to Mt. Moon... 

***** 


	5. A chapter with nothing interesting to sa...

### A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Gameboy

#### Part Five

  


Author's Note: This chapter is transitory, that is, it's been ages since I worked on this story and I thought I'd "get back in the groove." More will be up later today or tomorrow.   


***** 

Time has passed. Jessie and James have been busy attempting to capture Pikachu, and, sadly, not succeeding. Their gameboys were left behind while they were out on several missions, and so, although Jessie had caught a Jigglypuff, neither of them had ventured further into Mt. Moon then to discover that they each had an aversion for Zubats. 

Now, Jessie and James have returned to their cabin deep in the woods for a little Rest and Relaxation, and to work on their latest plan for capturing the super rodent. 

***** 

"JESSIE!" 

"WHAT?" 

Jessie and James had arrived at the cabin to discover a squad of Squirtles living in it. Naturally, the annoying turtles had flooded the house. After getting rid of the squad (Arbok, Wheezing, Likitung and Victrebell were too beat up to bother trying to capture anything) Jessie and James were faced with clean up detail. Meowth had not accompanied them back to the cabin, being on some kind of secret mission he wouldn't tell them about. 

Which was why James was yelling for Jessie from somewhere on the other side of the cabin. 

"Where did you put the mop?" 

"How should I know? Do I look like I'm supposed to know where it is?" Jessie was not in a good mood. Cleaning was not her favorite activity. In fact, it fell somewhere between filling out reports to the boss and getting shocked by Pikachu. 

"You had it last and I need it to clean up the kitchen!" 

"Why don't you just use a sponge?" 

"The mop is more fun!" 

"So?" 

"If the kitchen isn't dry, I can't make dinner!" 

She hated it when he used logic. Since Jessie had absolutely no idea how to cook anything other than toast, she acquiesced. Grumpily. 

"It might be somewhere on the porch!" 

"Thanks!" 

At least they'd get to eat something other than trail food for dinner tonight. Jessie was sick of dried fruit. 

Jessie continued to clean out the closet, putting anything dry aside in a pile and tossing anything wet somewhere towards the hallway. Very boring. Very damp. 

She reached for the next box. Not labeled, a major surprise. She really had to talk to Meowth about his organizational skills. Someday they were going to lose something important... Jessie dug around in the box. It was (miraculously) dry, and she pulled out James' Digimon action figures, her own Gundams, some fine china, some books, and two broken pencils. Ridiculous, really. At the bottom of the box was a smaller one, labeled, in clumsy handwriting Jessie recognized as belonging to James and looking like something out of a Calvin and Hobbes comic strip, "Beware! Don't touch, or Mars and Jupiter will get you!" 

Mars and Jupiter? That sounded awfully familiar... 

Jessie opened the box. Three small handheld units lay there, one red, one atomic purple, and one yellow. 

Jessie began to smile. 

"Oh, Ja-ames! Guess what I found!" 

James debated answering. Usually when Jessie wanted something, it involved physical pain on his part. Still... 

"Is it the mop? It wasn't on the porch!" 

"The mop? What?" Crashing sounds issued from the hallway. Jessie tumbled into the kitchen, looking very put out and tangled in a rather large number of mops. 

"James, remind me never to open the hallway closet again. And remind me to severely injure Meowth when he comes back." 

"Hey! You found the mops!" 

Jessie muttered something uncomplimentary. 

"What are you holding, anyway?" James asked. Having finally acquired a mop (or twelve) he decided to be generous enough not to point out Jessie's rather inelegant entry to the kitchen. 

"Remember these?" Jessie waved their gameboys (link cables still attached) in front of her. 

"Ooh..." 

Simultanously: "Wanna battle?" 

Giggling completely uncharacteristically, both immediately sat down at the kitchen table (the floor still unmopped) and began flipping past the opening screens. 

*****   
  
  



	6. Mt. Moon, Part One

### A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Gameboy

#### Part Six!

  
  
  
****** 

Jessie and James venture forth into Mt. Moon...   
  
  
****** 

"I swear, if I see one more Zubat I will be very put out," said Jessie. 

"If _I_ see one more Zubat, I'm going to be very grumpy," said James. 

"They're like the Rattatas of caves." 

"The Pidgies of the underground." 

"And if either one of us sees one more Zubat, we'll probably just wipe it out in one or two attacks and wonder who designed the game in the first place so we can rip out his large intestine." 

"His large intestine? Have you been watching Horror/Comedy movies late night again?" 

"NO. I have not. I got that from some odd fic on the web. Completely different." 

"Of course." 

Silence. 

"So, James, how goes the Magikarp?" 

James groaned. "I can't believe I bought one of these things again. How did I let you talk me into this?" 

"Because if we put it at the top of the list, it becomes a big strong Gyrados without us actually having to waste a pokeball catching it." 

"But it cost 500 dollars!" 

"James, when's the last time you found yourself hard up for cash in this happy little game?" 

"Uh..." 

"Just be happy when you have a Gyrados, okay?" 

"Can't I just kick it with my magical pokemon-evolving boots? They worked before," James whined. 

"I think that's another one of those plot devices not available in the real thing." 

"Where _do_ the writers come up with their material?" 

"Who knows. Nebraska?" 

"You realize somewhere out there is a Nebraskian we've just offended, right?" 

"Only if it exists. It's probably north of Bill's house or something weird." 

"Which brings up another point. Why is Pokeland so small? No wonder we always run into the twerps! There's only _eight_ cities. They have more than that in most counties." 

"Isn't it more like ten? Gringy City is somewhere." 

"Whatever- ack!" 

"What?" 

"The stupid Clefairy girl keeps putting my pokemon to sleep. I'm being literally pounded!" 

"Wait until they wake up." 

"Ah." 

More silence. More pushing of A buttons. More Zubats. 

"Is it just me, or are these ladders mystical portals left behind by some ancient civilization far more technical then we?" Jessie asked. 

"It's just you. They _really_ came from outer space with the Clefairys." 

"Oh. Right." 

Giggles. 

"Remember when we dressed up as aliens?" 

"And the twerps actually believed us?" 

Hysterical laughter. 

"Why _do_ they always fall for those costumes?" James wondered. 

"Never mind that, where do we always _get_ the costumes?" 

"The same place we get replacement Meowth Balloons?" 

"No, wait..." Jessie thinks back. "Didn't we do some kind of special? Who was that kid... Mondo! He's got a magic bag!" 

James' expression becomes sour. 

"Oh yeah. Mondo." 

"Are you still upset because he wouldn't stop hitting on me in that cute, worshipping way of his?" 

"NO." 

"Uh huh. Sure." 

"I'm _not_!" 

"Whatever." 

James mutters. "I'm not..." 

They continue playing, James having an advantage with his Pikachu/Squirtle team. Consequently, he was able to advance more rapidly than Jessie, but only Jessie had the "supreme luck" of finding a wild Clefairy. 

"WHY won't this THING stay in a POKEBALL?!" 

James smirked. "Maybe it doesn't like you." 

"Shut up. _You_ try catching one of these things. This is like the third pokeball it won't stay in, and meanwhile Mars is getting pounded while asleep. Now I ask you, is that good sportsmanship?" 

"You're still jealous 'cause I caught Pikachu, aren't you?" 

"Are you jealous of Mondo?" 

"Um..." 

"Now SHUT UP!" 

James shut up. Jessie caught the Clefairy. All in all, it was a good place to write: 

"To be continued..."   
  
  
******* 


	7. Mt. Moon, Part Two

### A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Gameboy

#### Part Seven: Mt. Moon, part two!

Author's Note: Hey, if you like these, encourage me to write more by reviewing or [e-mailing me][1]! Or visit my website, [Chirps of a Cricket!][2] I may even update it someday... 

***** 

"Jessie, this is so not how Team Rocket works." 

"No kidding. Who thinks these things up?" 

"I think we decided they live in Nebraska." 

"Oh yeah..." 

Jessie and James are today hiding deep in the woods near Viridian City, waiting for the hapless twerps to fall in to their most ingenious plan ever - a hole. 

"And why do they keep battling? Don't they see that all they do is lose?" 

Meowth walked into the clearing carting a large sack of extra batteries. 

"How is losing different from what you two always do?" he asked. 

"But this is different!" said James. 

"Even _we_ can beat these guys," Jessie pointed out. 

"Don't they realize that poison and normal types are not exactly the best pokemon around?" 

Jessie and James look at each other. 

"Oh." 

"That explains a few things," said James. 

"I think I'm definitely taking up a petition against the writers for sticking us with what are arguably the worst pokemon in the game." 

"Not that I don't appreciate Wheezing and feel part of a mutual bond between pokemon and trainer." 

"Or that I don't know that Arbok loves me in her own, snake-like way." 

"Victreebell..." 

"We'll leave Victrebell out of this." 

"Of course." 

"Remember when Koffing and Ekans evolved, just for us?" 

Jessie and James became very teary eyed. Meowth looked on in disgust. 

"And when will you two be done reminiscing? You both owe me..." Meowth pulls out a calculator and a _long_ list. "One thousand and twenty three battles. Each." 

The human members of Team Rocket groaned. 

"How did we rack up so many?" James complained. 

"The last fifty are for the batteries." Meowth gestured to the bag he had dumped on a tree stump. 

"Batteries!" Jessie and James immediately ripped into the packages. 

****** 

Meanwhile... 

"Misty, why is there a hole in the ground?" Ash asked. 

"Why don't you fall down it and see?" Misty replied. 

"What? Oh - Hey, I'm slipping! Misty, why'd you push me? Brock, get me out of here!" 

"I'm not Brock, I'm Tracey," said the so-called Poke-artist. "And I'm tired of being compared to that womanizing creep simply by the distinction of being your sidekick." 

"What?" 

Tracey sighed. Ash was so easily confused. 

"I don't like you," he explained. 

"Oh." Ash thought about this for a while. 

"Does this mean your not going to help me out of the hole?" he asked. 

Misty and Tracey sighed, and little anime mushroom clouds of breath briefly appeared. 

"Tracey, whatsay we leave him down there and make our _own_ way as trainers instead of following him around only to be ultimately ignored?" 

"Sounds good to me." 

They both leave to become famous. 

"Hey! I'm the star of this TV show! Hey! Where is everybody? Where'd they go? I'm the main character, spammit!" 

****** 

Jessie and James are leaning against opposite sides of the same tree, little circles in their eyes and stars dancing around their heads. 

"Jupiter, thundershock," James mumbled, eyes closed. 

"I think he fell asleep after we slipped him that second ball of yarn," Jessie said. 

"What?" 

"Meowth's asleep." 

"But I didn't win yet..." His eyes were still closed. 

Jessie sighed. "Then I guess I'll just have to finish Mt. Moon without you." 

There was a blur of motion, and suddenly Jessie was faced with a very animated James (no pun intended - well, maybe) diligently destroying Zubats and Geodudes. 

"Then again..." Jessie took out her own hair-matching unit, and there was peace in the woods as Meowth slept and Jessie and James engaged in slightly less-than-epic battles against the menace, Team Rocket. 

Suddenly, Jessie and James were faced with the super-scary Super Nerd! 

"James, do you ever wonder why it's okay that we're forcing this guy to give us a fossil, but attempting to capture a wild pokemon in the vicinity of the twerps is grounds for blasting off?" 

"I try not to think about it. If I do, I get a headache." 

"So what kind of fossil are you getting? Dome or Helix?" 

"Dome. I want a Kabuto!" 

"So, in the nature of variety, I suppose that means I take the Helix?" 

"You could get dome too," James said magnanimously. 

"How very thoughtful." Jessie rolled her eyes. "Very well, I will." 

****** 

Narrator: Well, Jessie and James have both passed through the treacherous dangers of Mt. Moon and received dome fossils. What's next in store for our adventurous villains? And what about Ash alone in the pit? Why do I always say pointless stuff at the end? Stay tuned for all this and none of it in _A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Gameboy, Part Eight!_   
  
  


   [1]: mailto:cooperag@pacbell.net
   [2]: http://www.cooperis.com/cricket



	8. Ashy-boy go down the hole.

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Gameboy 

Part Eight! 

******** 

Jessie and James, still in the same clearing they were in in part seven, are breaking camp and preparing to head back to the cabin. Mostly, this consisted of packing their Gameboys in bubblewrap (Meowth kept pooping the bubbles, so they had to get more) and tossing the empty battery packs into a magical recycling can. 

"James, do you hear something?" Jessie asked casually, double-checking that no slight jostle on the long (or relatively short) journey home would damage her hair-colored hand-held unit. 

"Does it sound sort of like a whining, outraged, threatening kind of sound?" 

"Yeah." 

"Nope, didn't hear a thing." 

"Neither did I." 

Meowth looked at the humans in disgust. 

"And I have to put up with them," he muttered. "Idiots." 

Jessie and James both turn to look menacingly at Meowth. 

"What did you say?" Jessie asked sweetly, mallet in hand. 

James had pulled out the official Team Rocket Collapsible Bazooka they bought at Celeadon City. 

"Uh..." Meowth sweatdropped. "How about canceling those last 500 games or so you each owe me?" 

A quick conference on the part of the humanoids. 

"We accept," announced James. 

"And we want it in writing," added Jessie. 

Meowth sighed. 

******* 

Team Rocket continues on their way home... Meowth trudging far behind (six steps or so) the human pair in a futile attempt recalculate battles owed him (no longer very many) without the distraction of Jessie and James' inane prattle. 

"Jessie, do you hear something?" 

"Did we already have this conversation?" 

"I think we did." 

"Do you suppose we're hearing things?" 

"Could be." 

"Is it getting louder to you?" 

"Yep." 

"Isn't this where we dug the hole yesterday?" 

"I think it is." 

"Is that Ash down at the bottom?" 

"And looking utterly pathetic, even moreso than usual?" 

"I think it is." 

Team Rocket looks at each other. Silence. 

"WHOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" 

They begin to dance, frolic, jump up and down, and generally perform feats of amazing acrobatic daring. 

Meowth, his mind full of calculations, blundered right into a tap-dancing Jessie. Jessie, instead of whacking Meowth as she might normally have done, she picked up her furry cohort and tossed him delightedly in the air. 

"We did it! We did it! The hole worked! It worked!" 

Merriment continued to ensue for the next three days. 

******** 

What will Team Rocket do with Ash? Didn't they get hungry during the three days of merriment? Will they ever get to Cerulean City? Tune in next time for Part Nine, where you'll hear Ash say "Huh?" 

To be continued...   
  
  



	9. Oppression and Outbursts

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Gameboy 

Part Nine! 

******** 

Jessie and James are sitting, once again, at the kitchen table, playing _pokemon_. Each wanders in the tall grass before Cerulean City, searching for Sandshrew and Ekans, depending on their color of hair. 

And, in the former broom closet, whimpers and threats are periodically emanating... 

"Jessie, how about I trade you this extra Sandshrew for an Ekans?" 

"Sounds good to me." 

They trade, and continue to play in silence. 

"So, James, are you ready to defeat Misty?" 

"I dunno," James said worriedly. "I hear that, unlike in real life, she was gifted with useful pokemon." 

"Yeah, but it only really sucks if you have a Charmander." 

"Which you do," James pointed out. 

"Stop rubbing it in." 

They continue to play. 

"So, how many more levels before your Magikarp evolves?" Jessie asked. 

"Two. Yours?" 

"Three." 

More silence, marred only by the ever present pushing of the "A" buttons. 

Suddenly, James through his unit across the table. 

"I can't stand it any more!" 

Jessie looked up. "What?" 

"Do you ever get the feeling that were not funny anymore, and just going through the motions to please an ever expanding audience?" 

"Um..." 

"And that we can't even evolve separately because we're the "human members" of Team Rocket?" 

"Well..." 

"And aren't you ever tired of being stepped on by writers and twerps alike, only to be despised by seven year olds everywhere?" 

"Uh, most of the time..." 

"And on top of all that, not only can I not stand the wait to get this _useless_ Magikarp to evolve, we have our arch-enemy locked in the broom closet and haven't even tormented him yet in the last hour!" 

Jessie regarded James with equanimity. 

"You lost to Misty, huh?" 

James sighed, and sat down. "It's just that it's so _humiliating_! She's got all of two pokemon, and I can't even take her down." 

"Well, look on the bright side. You beat the junior trainer, right?" 

"Yeah." 

"So just go get a grass pokemon and then come back and wipe her out. Or finish evolving your Magikarp." 

"Gee, Jessie, that's pretty smart." 

"Shut up. You sound like Ash." 

"Ow! That hurt! There's no reason to be insulting." 

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, I lost to Misty twice already, and am trying to figure out why on earth I ended up with a Charmander." 

James looked at Jessie in surprise. "You... you lost? And it wasn't to Meowth?" 

"Shut up." 

Jessie and James stare at their Gameboys for a minute longer. 

"So, you want to go torment Ashy-boy again?" Jessie asked. 

"Sounds good to me. Let's tell him about the time he believed we were aliens again!" 

And so the human members of Team Rocket once again eagerly ran for the broom closet, losing their worries and fears in the joys of tormenting their long-time oppressor. 

******** 

AN: Yeah, two short chapters, I know, but both up in the same day! Comments are always welcome, and if anyone has any ideas to contribute, I'd love to hear them! 


	10. Misty, the Evil Gym Leader!

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Gameboy 

Part Ten 

******* 

James and Jessie, having already tormented the twerp for the day by telling him stories about Gary's ability to train pokemon without the use of Dumb Luck*, were sitting once again at the kitchen table playing _Pokemon_. Both have finally evolved their Magikarps into big, strong Gyradoses, and are preparing for a water showdown with their new nemesis, Gym Leader Misty... 

******* 

"Okay," James said. "Potions." 

"Check." 

"Leveled up pokemon." 

"Check." 

"All junior trainers defeated." 

"Check." 

"Good pokemon at the _top_ of the list." 

"Check." 

"More potions." 

"Double check." 

"Chocolate in case of snack attack." 

"Delicious." 

Jessie put down the clipboard. 

"I think we're ready." 

"Shut up," said Jessie, tense. "You've got a Pikachu. I've got a Charmander and normal types." 

"But you've got Gyrados now," encouraged James. "Go kick some twerpy butt with Dragon Rage, okay?" 

"Right." Jessie didn't look encouraged. 

One last, final, futile stop at the pokecenter, and both headed into the swimming pool of doom... 

James won quickly, Jupiter proving super-effective against Misty's Staryu and Starmie, attacking the latter before it had a chance to attack more than once or twice. 

Jessie's battle was longer, more intense... ::cue intense, I've-got-to-win, direct-from-the-CD Pokemon dance music:: Gyrados used Dragon Rage! Staryu used Water Gun! Enemy Staryu fainted! 

Jessie began to sweat. This was where it always got tough. Starmie... 

Meowth and James had formed a cheerleading squad. "Rah, Rah, sis boom bah!" 

Jessie stopped playing to look over at them. 

"Wha?" 

"Umm... Jessie, Jessie, she's the best, she can beat all the rest?" 

"You guys need help." 

James and Meowth briefly disappeared, muttering. "Let's see _her_ come up with rhymes spur of the moment." 

Jessie ignored them, concentrating on her battle. Starmies were definitely not high on her list of favorite pokemon just now. 

Down to the wire... Various attacks.... Various repercussions... Victory! 

Jessie leapt up, so thrilled with her victory that the background momentarily disappeared to become a neat swirly thingy while Jessie twirled and made a happy little "Victory V." 

James and Meowth reappeared, bearing large trays of chocolate and riceball doughnuts, "Nyasuu no Patii" blaring in the background whilst confetti streamed from parts unknown. 

"Congratulations, Jessie!" Meowth stuck a mike in her face. James aimed the camera. "You've just beat Misty and been given the opportunity to use Cut outside of battle! What are you going to do next?" 

"I'm going to catch Pikachu!" 

Team Rocket continued in their general merriment, in general being very kawaii and happy to have accomplished something for once. 

In the midst of one of is riceball doughnuts, Meowth suddenly paused midchew. 

"Do either of you realize that we've captured the twerp and haven't even bothered with his pokemon yet?" 

The party froze for a moment; then Jessie and James immediately ran for the broom closet. 

Meowth followed only slightly slower. "Idiots!"   
  
  


*a la DangerMouse. Read her fics! They're the best!   
  
  



	11. The Interrogation of Ash Ketchem

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Gameboy 

Part Eleven! 

***** 

"Tell us where the Pikachu is or suffer once more! Ahahahaha!" 

"Shall I again, Jessie?" 

"Let him have it!" 

"No, please, no more! I can't take it! I'll give you Pikachu, I'll pay back Misty for her bike, I'll even stop tricking badges out of innocent gym leaders and join Team Rocket, but DON'T DO IT AGAIN!" 

"Where is the Pikachu?" 

"On the belt. I don't know which one, I never labeled them. Richie told me and told me, but I never listened..." 

"Then you had better hope that the first one I touch contains the scrawny rat, or you will face the horror again! Meowth, bring me the belt!" 

Meowth bows low, presenting the belt to Jessie. 

"No, this one is Rainbow Brite's! Fetch me the _other_ stupid-looking one!" 

Meowth runs out of the room, not wanting to face more of Jessie's wrath. 

"Once more, Jessie, please?" James begged. "Come on." 

"Not yet. I want to know where the rat is. You can play later." 

"Awww..." 

Ash is by now blubbering, exhausted from his previous punishment, cringing even now, and fearful at the thought of more. 

Meowth returns, this time bearing a small, stupid-looking belt bearing six pokeballs attached to various loops. 

"Now, which one holds Pikachu?" Jessie thrust the belt in his face. "Which one?!" 

"I- I- I don't know." Ash hangs his head. He knows what is to come... 

"James!" 

"Ahahahaha!" James' laughter is horrible to Ash's ears. He braces himself, prepared for the inevitable attack... It comes, forcing its way past his weak defenses, until his entire body reverberates to the rapid rhythm. 

"So tell me what you want, what you really really want!"   
"I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want!"   
"So tell what you want what you really, really want!"   
"I wanna (huh)   
I wanna (huh)   
I wanna (huh)   
I wanna (huh)"   
"What I wanna really really really want is zigazig ha." 

"Nooooooooooooooo!!" 

***** 

Far away... 

"Fezzik, do you hear that? That is the sound of Ultimate Suffering. My heart made that sound when they came out with _Land Before Time Six_. Ash Ketchem makes it now." 

"But Inigo, how do you know?" 

"Team Rocket is holding him hostage in a broom closet. Who else would have cause for Ultimate Suffering?" 

"Oh." 

****** 

"So, Jessie," James asked conversationally as they stepped out of the broom closet for a small break. "Which one had Pikachu?" 

"The one on the far right that I had Meowth remove before he brought me the bet," Jessie smirked. 

"Ahhh... So where is Pikachu now?" 

"Where else? You remember the weekend we spent building all those cages just in case we ever caught the twerp's pokemon?" 

"Ahhh..." 

******** 

"Do you rescind your evil ways?" 

A sob. 

"Do you rescind?!" 

Another sob, and a defiant shake of the head. James, having taken over from Jessie, poises the weapon of choice. He moves his finger closer to the button... 

"Will you willingly give up Pikachu?" 

::sob:: "Never!" 

He pushes the button. The Olsen twins appear. 

"Noooooooooooooooooo!!!!" 

***** 

Jessie and James, now tired of their game of let's-see-how-long-we-can-torment-Ash-for-before-he-realizes-he's-only-tied-with-masking-tape-and-could-easily-escape-on-his-own-thus-affording-us-more-amusement-for-years-to-come, are reclining lazily in their beach chairs in the (for once) sunny backyard behind the cabin. They are, of course, playing _Pokemon_. 

"Um, why can't I join Team Rocket?" Jessie complained. "Why are they even presenting the option if they won't let you join? Who invented this stupid prejudiced game?! And DON'T say Nebraska." 

"I was going to claim Vermont this time, actually." 

"Oh, well. Vermont. That's different." 

"I like Absorb, don't you?" 

"It's only any good when it's super effective." 

"Yeah, but it still rocks." 

"I kinda like Ember." 

"That's just 'cause that's what you got with your Charmander." 

"Yeah? And how often do I hear you brag about Bubble?" 

"We're bored, aren't we?" 

"It's disappointing, really. Not only has tormenting the twerp already lost its attraction, but hitting the pokemon center every two battles really drags." 

"Yeah..." 

"We're not really going anywhere just now, are we?" 

"Nope." 

"Want to take the rest of the day off?" 

"Sounds good to me." 

"Great." 

"Yeah." 

"So, should we start now?" 

"Okay." 

"Okay." 

"Alright, on the count of three, we'll both stop saying inanities. One, two, three-" 

*********************************************************************** 

POLL: In your review, please choose one of the following: 

A: I continue this thing as one fic forever and ever and ever, until I reach chapter 100 or so. 

B: Every 10 or 15 chapters I make a new section. 

C: Other (please specify). 

Thank you! Comments and suggestions are always welcome! (Heck, I'd take a cute story about how your friend's gameboy got screwed up with a Pikachu named Block, but I've already got one. ^-^ Thanks, Peregrine!) 

*********************************************************************** 


	12. While the Mice Are Away, the Cat Will Pl...

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Gameboy! 

Part Twelve! 

**** 

Meowth sat alone at the kitchen table. His [stupider] human partners would be back soon, but for now he was enjoying being alone. 

That is, alone with his gameboy. 

Though Meowth was generally no farther along in the game then James and Jessie, he leveled up his pokemon with fierce intensity, possibly due to the boredom he would otherwise face while waiting for the world to acknowldege him as its supreme leader. 

Consequently, Meowth was currently working his way through the endless maze of trainers gaurding the northern area of Pokeland. There really wasn't much point to them, because one could always turn around and hit the pokecenter (nothing like the caves and the mass of Zubats), but they were an opprotunity for more level-up points, and besides, he _did_ want to finish the game. 

So on Meowth went. Battle, battle, battle... Was that a cabin off in the far distance? The house of Bill? 

Meowth tried to think back to Bill. Oh, yes, the idiot who got caught in his own pokemon costume. Meowth snickered at the memory. Team Rocket costumes always came with easy-rips built in for dramitic costume changes. 

Probably not much to worry about. He went inside the house. (But hadn't it been a light tower on the show?) 

Wow. Such... _similiar_ decor to everything else in Pokeland... _And just what was his precious Pikachu doing?!_

"Aww, look. Meowth's pet found a little love interest." 

"Too bad it won't last." 

"Maybe Meowh will go soft and abandon his game in favor of his poor little one." 

Meowth turned around to find human members of Team Rocket-that is, Butch and Cassidy-sprawled about the kitchen. 

"Go away." 

"We would," said Cassidy, "but I'm out of hairspray and Jessie's the only other person I know who keeps ten gallons of Duct Spray around at all times." 

"Besides," Butch added, "We want to see what Pikachu does when he discovers the idiocy of Bill." 

Meowth sighed. "Whatever." 

He continued to play along with the pre-programed drama. 

"Aw, he doesn't know what happened." Cassidy sounded very sad. 

"He'll spend the rest of his days wondering what it was about him that turned her off." Butch didn't sound very sad. He sounded like he had already smoked twenty packs of cigarettes that day. 

"Ooh, he gave you a ticket for the Saint Anne!" Butch was very excited. 

"What are you going to do now?" Cassidy thrust a microphone in Meowth's face. 

"Look at pictures of assorted Eevee evolutions, because I really need to know just what a Flareon looks like." 

Cassidy turns to face a camera Butch has suddenly procured. 

"Well, there you have it, folks. One more useless aspect to a game that has people and pokemon everywhere enthralled. Kids, if you aren't threatening your parents for more merchandise now, you should be!" 

"And don't forget to petiton for the new Butch and Cassidy dolls, available in good stores everywhere!" 

Meowth rolled his eyes. 

"And this is why no one cared when you managed to get yourselves thrown in jail. Can't you go watch TV or something?" 

"But we want to play with you!" said Butch. 

"And besides, Raticate has on _Days of our Lives._ I _hate_ that show." 

"Really?" 

"Really?" 

Meowth and Butch both race to the living room and the TV. 

Cassidy shook her head and picked Meowth's brightly colored gameboy unit. "Does this mean I can beat up Lt Surge for you?" she called. 

Meowth raced back in, snatched the unit out of her hands, and raced back. 

"Guess not." Cassidy thought about that for a minute. 

"Fortunately, I brought a spare." Using her own goldenrod-colored gameboy, she sat down to play. 

****** 

Results are in! Evidently, everyone wants me to continue this fic forever and ever... Or something like that. Thanks to everyone who voted! The last poll was so successful, I now have a new one! 

A: Butch and Cassidy should become integral parts of this fic. 

B: They should finsih up this guest appearance and then dissapear forever. 

C: They can turn up every now and then as long as Jessie and James never go away again. 

D: Who? 

***** 


End file.
